Pause to Start

Yesterday was a defining moment. A meaningful silence that placed my heart into a beautiful reminder of a start that God entrenched us. It was always a sweet gesture of God to always tap us whenever we’re busy, fearful, proud, and even feeling stagnant. A lot of things in this world can rob us of our time with God, and often can lead us away from our purpose, our calling. And when we say a lot, it’s a LOT. Our joy can be easily taken away in a single post we see online, or even if someone just disliked our post. Our peace die down whenever we see afflictions, injustice, calamities, which in our mind we cannot fully understand. Our faith becomes lukewarm seeing what we hoped for isn’t happening the way and the day we wanted it to be. A LOT can steal us from what God wants us to do, and think. Everyday we need to constantly remind ourselves of our purpose- an intangible asset God that gave us. It always humbles me when I’m remined that a great God was always mindful of me. I’m far from being perfect and will never be. I’m not loveable at all times but always grateful that we have a God who forgave us, accepted, redeemed and called us. He is always there to remind us who we are, and our very mission. He shared His heart to us. It’s always a relief to always go back to Him. Especially, when we’re lost!

God reminded me of this verse in Romans, “For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable.” (Romans 11:29)

I often forget. My busy and wandering mind, get the best of me and the best that God planned for me. And so, God have to remind me again. I slowed down (I always am slow 😅) and make a conscious effort to flee from distractions one day at a time. His words, “FIRST”, “START”, “STEP” and “GO” shake me, cut my heart. And I’m here, writing again, not of my might, but His. We will always be compelled to do the things that will have an impact on eternity. Our hearts will speak that. And the talents and gifts that He has given us are hints to the calling that we have in Him. Always look for that purpose. That driving force that will get you going, whatever life takes. And when you find it, always be hungry to work on it, one day at a time, by God’s grace.

You’re chosen and precious. Take hold of your identity and live with your purpose in mind. 🙏

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20

How beautiful and delightful on the mountains Are the feet of him who brings good news, Who announces peace, Who brings good news of good [things], Who announces salvation, Who says to Zion, “Your God reigns!” Isaiah 52:7

Blessing in disguise.

Turning this year’s pages will be over. Planners, diaries, journals are into their conclusions and finding their way to be kept in a bookshelf. Time flies so fast!

T-W-E-N-T-Y-S-I-X-T-E-E-N.

We all have unique stories to tell about our joys, pains, sufferings, breakthroughs, goals unlocked, etc. of what we call, [hashtag] “My 2016”. The roads were tough (as expected), but at the end of it, you’ll see the beauty of how God orchestrated everything for you and me. We may be out of tune at times, but God is sovereign, He is in control.

I have my own share of joys this year—learning, travels, new found friends and breakthroughs but I felt like I appreciated more being in the trying times of this season. Not that I enjoyed being in the wilderness [medyo napatambay lang po ng konti, haha], but I really valued what I learned about myself and about who God is in every situation.

God revealed to me, the NOT-YETs of my life—in my career, relationships and ministry. #PrenoMuna. The enemy will deceive us in the form of pressure in these areas. It will push us to want anything, NOW [as in, now na please]. But God lovingly asked us to wait. In Ecclesiastes 3:1, it says, Everything Has Its Time, “To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” My prayer is that, God will prepare me, my heart, my mind, and my whole being before I receive anything from Him. In that way, I can fully enjoy His goodness and faithfulness in my life.

I am also reminded of Deuteronomy 8:2, ”Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.” During these times, we complain, we tend to do our own way, we want to help God get what we desire, we doubt, we worry, we pity ourselves and in the end find ourselves ruined.

The promise land that we long for, may not be the promise land that God planned for us. God led us through those times, to humble us and to test our hearts. We’ll surely find the beauty of being in the wilderness and being redeemed out of it as our characters are built and our hearts are exposed to see its genuineness.

In the wilderness, a desolate landscape, an area with no direction, how can we find joy?

Trust God.

Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Romans 5:3-5, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

I trust God in this season—the season of calibration and pruning.

“Calibration” is setting or correcting something to conform it to a dependable known or unvarying value. Likewise, we knew that God’s plan for us is dependable; it is true. Who wouldn’t want a life anchored to a dependable God?

I associated God’s plan to a straight line. Our life’s actions and decisions lead us to deviate from the original plan that God has laid before us. We wandered away from the race we ought to run and look how it became some kind of an abstract [humans are artistic :)]. Overlapping God’s plan to ours, we can define the difference. But by God’s grace, He will put us back on track. Everyday is a chance to calibrate ourselves for His plans and purposes for us. We can’t escape from His love and redemption.

photo from: https://jimmiehalemission.com/god-has-a-plan/

On the other hand, “Pruning” is trimming by cutting away dead or overgrown branches or stems, especially to increase fruitfulness and growth. The reasons for pruning in plants include deadwood removal, shaping (by controlling or directing growth), improving or maintaining health, reducing risk from falling branches, preparing nursery specimens for transplanting, and both harvesting and increasing the yield or quality of flowers and fruits [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pruning].

I felt that I don’t need to elaborate. 🙂 Who wouldn’t want the benefit of God’s pruning as an act of His love for us? The only response we need to do is to allow Him to trim the aspects of your life that doesn’t contribute to our fruitfulness and growth. I know it will be hard at first, but trust God; He does it better than anyone else.

Suffering. Perseverance. Character. Hope.

Never neglect what you’re going through, because you’ll never know it’s a blessing in disguise!

-Tesa-

 

Miracles.

We are familiar with the famous Filipino movie line, “walang himala (there’s no miracle!)” uttered with great emotion. This old hugot-line still haunts us even if we knew that miracles are really possible (really possible, with God). We’ve seen people being delivered from their sickness, their addiction, their problems and whatever “GIANT/S” there is/are in their lives, but at the end of the day, we still agree with that voice that tells us, “There’s no way out“. I realize that we are the ones putting walls for us not to get out. But how thick that wall is, even if we have no way out, God has.

The first miracle that I prayed for was my grandfather’s healing (from lung cancer). Anyone knows what it is, and how much is the chance of living. I know how much God can do but sometimes, the reality keeps us from connecting things. Connecting what we desire with what we see. It gives us little hope. Sometimes we hope, sometimes we fear, we doubt.

In Hebrews 11:1, it says, 

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

I realize that what we see is not yet the reality. I remember a verse in Deuteronomy, that we are held in the wilderness to test and to be humbled. For me, to test how genuine our faith is. Although the battle for sickness has not been won here on Earth for my grandfather, I know he’s in a better place now. There’s a miracle in heaven. There’s more to life than living here in the world. 

I still believe though, that miracles do happen. 

There are just things that keep us from believing and hoping for miracles:

1. The nature of focusing and placing our security on the things we see.
2. The attitude of putting walls on possibilities (God’s possibilities!).
3. Killing ourselves in worry.

If we allow these things to rule our minds and hearts, we are very very far from getting our miracles. Our helplessness allows us to trust in God’s strength and power over our lives.

 

‘Tesa

I have many many miracle stories I want to share(about my family, career, ministry, relationships.. ) but tomorrow is another day, I must sleep! I will still be editing this while asleep! 🙂

 

Though Oppressed.

In Exodus 1, we see that the Israelites were oppressed because the Egyptians were trying to put resistance on their fruitfulness and their increase in numbers that filled the land (Exodus 1:7) . They were afraid to be outnumbered by the people of God so they plan schemes to hinder it. But God make a way to protect His people. He is faithful to fulfill what He has promised. Although they are oppressed, God make a way for them to be delivered. There were midwives who feared God and did not do what the King said (and that is, to kill all born babies that are boys). God was kind to them [midwives] and the people increased and become even more numerous and blessed them with families of their own (v20-21).

My personal revelation on this was on verse 17 and 20 in which I appreciated how the midwives feared and were used by God to fulfill the plans He have. I am imagining being in front of a king and I am instructed to do something. I am serving a king and I ought to do what they want me to do. But they feared the Lord and did not focus on what situation they are in and what will happen to them when they disobey the king. Instead, they live their purpose. I want to assume that they know God’s promises for the Israelites and it’s amazing how God moved. Through their obedience, God blessed His people and the midwives as well. Truly God is rewarding those who are faithful and obedient.

God is really protective of His people. No one and nothing is ever more powerful than Him who can bring us to deliverance. In this life, we are often swayed by the things and happenings of this world. But with the directive of God, He will make a way for His promises to be fulfilled.

No Doubt.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness,

2 Timothy 3:16 (ESV)

There were times when I was asked about the authenticity of the Bible. Who wrote it? Why am I believing it? or what’s in it for me if I have known all that is written in it? I also have my own share of questions before. But I thank God that He doesn’t keep my eyes and heart closed to the truth.

Sometimes our eyes and hearts create a barrier to the things we didn’t want to accept. And the result is doubt, fear and uncertainty. Let’s say that I told you the fruit of a certain tree is not good. You won’t even try it. You already make your conclusion based on what is said, but you are uncertain that you are right because you are not open to knowing the truth. The same is true when you doubt the Word of God. You are hesitant to open and read it because you already brought your knowledge about it to an end. You concluded, and yet you can’t find your reasons.

I came to know the existence of God since I was a child. But it didn’t gave me that genuine relationship with Him until I accepted Him as my Lord and saviour and started to read my bible. With the wisdom that comes from God, I understand little by little what’s right and wrong with my current faith. Yes, the bible can comfort you at times when you needed it, but there’s more joy that you will feel when God disciplines you. In Proverbs 3:12 (NIV), it says there, “because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”. 

I found the authenticity of the bible with the wisdom that God poured out on me. Every one can read it like any other books available here and there. But I encourage everyone that we, first, ask God’s wisdom to open our eyes, hearts and minds to receive His word. Everything will be personal reading the bible after that. God will reveal to you things you cannot comprehend before. Most of the time, I cried with the comfort, peace and joy it gave me.

There are many things you can discover from the bible-stories, promises, miracles, and many more. But all reveals about who God is, His saving power, His sovereignty, His love and His plans. Sometimes you cannot comprehend these things apart from the understanding that comes from God. Sometimes what we see in this world is contrasting to His ways. In Isaiah 55:8 (NIV), “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. A believing heart doesn’t depend on the things seen, but on the things unseen. In Hebrews 11:1 (NIV), “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

It is said in 2 Timothy 3:16 (ESV) that “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness.” I believe that the bible is breathed out by God, through the authors who have been used by God, for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. We are all a work-in-progress so we need this scripture to make us Christ-like, through the grace of God. I testify the authenticity of the bible based from my first-hand experiences with God.

Allow yourself to know God more. Take the step to know His Word and you’ll never doubt!

Well-authored. Well-orchestrated.

Capital “I AM”. Two of the most powerful words; for what you put after them shapes your reality.

In 27 years of my existence, I never had major questions about myself. No questions, and no needed answers. I never imagined myself being in a, “Hahanapin ko lang ang sarili ko”-situation because I know I am not lost, I am just lost for words to define myself. Living in the moment, I know that my identity is in Christ and that, He works everything in my past, present and future for His purpose.

We have unique stories to tell which are well-authored by God. These are not petty stories that we’ve seen in telenovelas which we can pre-determine the ending. These are uncertain stories. The only way we can be certain is to trust that whatever it is, God is in control, God will bring the good out of it. In Romans 8:28, it says there, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Every story has its beginning and ending. Every story has its ending and beginning. Looking back makes us realize that everything makes sense; that everything worked out good.

Today, I want to start introducing myself for who I am now.

I am Tesa Lonica Gaygon. My family told me that I am a loving “ate” to my siblings and a responsible and obedient child to my parents. My profession told me that I am a Test Engineer who can stare at my computer and work for long hours. My friends told me that I am fun to be with. And my God said that I am His child and I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

 

I am Tesa. I am loving, responsible, obedient, hard-working, diligent, fun to be with and wonderfully made. I am a daughter, an engineer, a friend, and a child of God.

Be like me. Be like Tesa.

 

Kidding aside, every one of you here knew me in different levels. As a co-worker, subordinate, friend or even just an acquaintance.

 

I want to share my story, of how I become who I am now.

 

5 years ago, I took the Electronics Engineer board exam. My goal after graduation is to be a placer.  The exam was not easy and I am pretty sure that there is a little chance of me passing it. That happened. I failed one subject, but allowing me to re-take that on the next exam date. That was my first ever heart break. But God seen me at my frustrations. I came to know Him and finally submitted everything to Him. After several months of waiting, I passed the exam and finally got my second valid ID.

 

10 years ago, I entered college. I have different roles to play as an individual. Aside from being a student, I am a scholar, a working student and a student-leader. I was an over-achiever during my college days. I see to it that every pre-lims and midterms I get a grade that’s my “puhunan” for the final term. With this, they tagged me as a “nerd”, not with eye glasses, but one with those stiletto shoes. I don’t see failure as an option. But I did fail at one point. That’s the time I’ve been dropped out from my scholarship for not satisfying a grade requirement. I failed, but I didn’t stop. I worked as a student-assistant in the University and finally got another scholarship from the student council. After one semester, they invited me to run for a position. After the elections, I held the position of being a Public Relations Officer and Secretary on my second term. That was the time I made a vow to myself telling, “Kakapalan ko na mukha ko.” That was my job and I ought to fulfill my responsibilities as this position requires me to meet the public every now and then.

 

As our tagline goes, I should fulfill my duties with Loyalty, Dedication, Commitment, Support, and Integrity.

 

7 years ago, I was born. An 8-pound baby girl was born after 10 hours of labor. It was a delight to see their first baby. Growing up, my parents did perfect in taking care of me. Even up to now, my mom still prepare my “baon” and my dad still accompany me going to the office. They were my fan. They were God’s reflection of unconditional and sacrificial love.

 

This is me. All in it, and everything in between says it all about me. My past does not define me. But it did deposit something in my identity bank. Many of you knew me as “Aling Tesa”. And that’s because I know I am rooted as a businesswoman, as my parents are a businessman/businesswoman. Many of you would say that I am hard-working and will accept challenges, and that’s because that’s who I am when I am studying. Some of you would tell that I am somehow influential to you, and that’s because at some point in my life I became a leader. But all of these were because God orchestrated things to happen.  And all just makes sense.

 

It hurts.

From the time my dog was diagnosed with spinal injury and could not walk for almost a month now, I often ask God, “Does He love the animals too like He love me?”. I don’t know, but I do care to know.

I remembered a verse in Matthew 6:26-27. It says there, “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” This does not directly say that God loved the animals, but the mere fact that God created them and feed them, that’s a manifestation of God’s love to them.

As much as I wanted to ask God for complete healing, I am also asking Him wisdom, strength, and deep, growing faith. I do not have a doubt that God can heal him. And I feel that God is doing much more than letting me care for my dog, but trusting God, for He is in control.

I may be in tears right now, typing what I feel at the moment, but I still thank God for providing for us and giving us strength.

I pray that God will bring healing and enable me not to get tired and give up. I will pray and I will wait.

It hurts.

From the time my dog was diagnosed with spinal injury and could not walk for almost a month now, I often ask God, “Does He love the animals too like He love me?”. I don’t know, but I do care to know.

I remembered a verse in Matthew 6:26-27. It says there, “Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” This does not directly say that God loved the animals, but the mere fact that God created them and feed them, that’s a manifestation of God’s love to them.

As much as I wanted to ask God for complete healing, I am also asking Him wisdom, strength, and deep, growing faith. I do not have a doubt that God can heal him. And I feel that God is doing much more than letting me care for my dog, but trusting God, for He is in control.

I may be in tears right now, typing what I feel at the moment, but I still thank God for providing for us and giving us strength.

I pray that God will bring healing and enable me not to get tired and give up. I will pray and I will wait.

Rock my world, LORD.

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4 ESV)

Have you ever asked God to shake your faith? rock your world? or test your life? A friend once told me that if I want to grow deeper in faith, I should ask God to shake every area of my life that needs to be perfected. In my mind, I was thinking that it wilI be a scary thing to ask for. I wouldn’t want to trade my life in the comfort zone, saying, “No way, I’m okay here!”. Everyone doesn’t want to be moved especially when it involves trials– in relationships, in the workplace, and even in our ministry. We wanted to avoid the pain, rejection, struggles and anything that can be classified as trials that we face each day.

But being stagnant in faith keeps us from maturing. In James 1:2-3, it instructs us to count it all joy when we meet various kinds of trials for we know that the testing of our faith produces steadfastness. How can we consider it as joy when we face trials? Are we crazy enough to delight on these troubles? Or are we just making ourselves immune to the brokenness in this life? The important thing is not the sufferings that life throws upon us, it’s the process of testing that we made ourselves available to, that matters. How can we fit perfectly into a mold if we were not pressed on? If we weren’t willing to be tested, how can we know our limits? How can we develop our character? How can we best apply God’s word into our lives? And how can we make our faith firm?

Remember how you studied during college. Everything were based on theories. We made our brains bruised with all the things we cannot connect into the real world. We were so excited that time will come when we can finally relate and draw the lines that can further explain the reality of the theories we’ve known. Application will make us appreciate the truth behind every knowledge. It will make a memory, and we can keep it in our hearts for a long time and consider it as the best practices ever. Until then, we can be firm about what we’ve learned.

Application involves testing, it will enable you to gauge yourself and know the God you’re putting your faith on.

A diamond will not look beautifully, and will not possess its strength when it is not exposed to a high pressure. Same is true about our faith. It may need some testing, but we are joyfully looking forward to its fruit–and that is, to be steadfast. Every area that needs to be perfected, we ask the Lord to move and deal with it in order to achieve the fullness of our lives, perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Wilderness no more.

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you. Deuteronomy 8:2-5 (NIV)

Along with the Holy Week, we temporarily walk out from our busy schedules, pile of work loads, and the normal stress and pressure we face each day. We were given this time of the year to contemplate on the sacrifice that Jesus willingly gave so that we might receive the gift of salvation. But during these times, we have also been bothered and occupied with ourselves. We tend to focus on our lives and assess what is lacking, for us to consider it the “best-lived life” and to find out ways how we could live that “happily ever after” life we dreamt about.

It isn’t an unknown fact that life is not perfect. We tend to ask why, we tend to seek answers.

As I contemplate on the greatness of what Jesus did on the cross, I realized that the life I am living is too self-centered compared to the sacrifice and love that He offered us.

I am a worrier. Although I knew that I am a child of God and He is in control, I still feel I need to get things done and find ways as if my work will bring contribution.

I am writing today because I felt that I am still lacking in everything―in my spiritual growth, in my financial responsibilities, in my career, and in my relationships. I felt like I am in the wilderness. I am just so glad with what the scripture says, “Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.” Instead of worrying, and wanting to fulfill what is lacking, it led me to trusting God, that although my thinking got me through tough times, God has His purpose of humbling me, and testing what is in my heart. Not that He wants to punish me, but He wants to discipline me. I thank God that He is not just concerned with my situation but He is more concerned with my heart. I pray that God will change me to be like Jesus. I want to constantly remember that I am a child of God, and that I do not belong in this world. I may have troubles here, but I am confident that God sees me, and will deliver me out of my situation. We are just passing by here. Give thanks and enjoy the life that God blessed us. Spread the love of God through Jesus. His love never fail.